Dear Abbie: Fucking my wife now is like throwing a hot dog down a hallway. I'm afraid my young wife is laying with Negroes again. Because of the enormity of the male Negro's genitalia, I'm finding it difficult to make contact with the sides of my wife's vagina. I've done everything a loving husband can do. I've even threatened to beat her with a car aerial, but nothing seems to work. Can you please help me?! Mr. Jones